Dear Hitler

Dear Hitler,

It seems you've been gone for quite a while,
And I appreciate all your actions so vile
Because here and now, in this age
There is more wonderful war and rage.

Did you know, Hitler, that your holocaust
Has given ideas to others at no cost?
It seems there is killing everywhere toda';
In Iraq and Iran, not to mention Uganda.

It's funny, because in the African country I named,
It's the kids doing the murders and getting blamed.
But it gets better, my deceased dictator friend!
All the discrimination never truly came to an end!
I tell ya, it's fantastic to see
All the racism and homophobia around me.
I love it exactly how I love you.
The holocaust was nothing; let me show you something new.

Take a look at your creative ways to kill -
Gassing, beating, camping and shooting -
And don't tell me it wasn't a terrific thrill.
But here's what going on in two thousand eight:
Drugs, alcohol, tearing limbs and stripping skin,
Anorexia, bulimia, and starving to lose weight.
Rape is more common as well; what a lucky thing to win!

Although the nature of humans is something to fear,
I got something for you, Hitler, that will nock you off your rear:
Hurricanes and tsunamis and earthquakes to boot!
Imagine all the mobs and stores to loot!

Ha, and here I thought your tyranny was fun...
Well, Hitler baby, there's more evil under the sun.
I gotta say: I'm happy you're so remembered;
It helps us forget the present troubles that rendered
So many helpless, dying and weak
So many on the brink of insanity, so to speak.

It's blissful, actually, the low economy and high gas prices with real reasons;
It allows us to let our faithful government step in an handle the decisions.

Hey, Hitler, I bet you'd like this current world;
It's just like the broken one you thought was gold.

Anyhow, I simply thought I'd write to you
Since you're one of my biggest heroes,
And all the people who want peace are zeroes.

Perhaps we can dine together when I get into Hell one day?
Maybe we could catch up on what you missed that way.

Signed,
A Heartless High School Student